Sooo…this is the time in pretty much any project I undertake, when I start to feel bored with it. When I started this blog I said to myself that this wouldn’t happen “this time.” How many famous last phrases have begun with this? Too many to count, especially for me.
I start asking myself, as I did today in the shower, why was I bothering with this? I’m a firm believer that this is the age of WTMI (Wayyy Tooo Much Information). EVERYone seems to have a blog these days; EVERYone seems to put online on FB, Twitter, and Instagram, the type and odor of one of their farts it seems. We’ve turned our inward egotism outward and it’s only increasing.
When I had the idea to write this blog I wanted it to be a new way for me to journal, which I have never been good at. I have always felt that it was somehow a character flaw for some reason. Anyhoo, I figured I could maintain this because WordPress also gives you the ability to add videos and pictures, so it wouldn’t be just words, and it would really only be for my own reflection.
But I can’t lie. I was really excited when people started looking at it. I really was! I thought maybe other people would dig what I was saying, so I should keep saying it. Unfortunately, the most “likes” I got was when I discussed my experience with the Coffee Scrub (which I used today again and it’s still awesome). So I was pretty disappointed. Hey, I’m not trying to insult the people who read that post and enjoyed it, I’m just saying that I felt really great after writing that one and started to not feel so great when I didn’t get any likes or comments on my next few. After I wrote a post I would check my WordPress app to see if anyone read it. I felt I was falling into the same FB trap that initiated my limiting my FB time to a few minutes every week.
This is the very same thing that was happening to me now. I was confronting my desire to please others head on and I was losing. This is my first post in days. As I was thinking about writing this I was talking myself out of it. Who really cares about my thoughts on things? What does what I say matter? Wah wah wah. Just my way of not following through.
So here I am, in the library on one of their computers, writing this. I’m going to promise myself again that I’ll write for me, just me, and not worry whether others will read it or even care. Right now in the back of my mind, there is my ego, pretending to be tiny, hoping in a really small voice that my self-deprecation and honesty will get some people reading and sympathizing. Egos are nasty beasties, aren’t they?
GB for now, (non)readers. Have a fab Thurs!!! Ciao, a’ presto!